i miss them so much

i'm basically living by myself. without my uncle, i would be dead by now. I can't imagine my life without him. He's my father, my mother, and he's everything to me. Even before my parents death, he has been raising me like his own child. I miss my MAK and my BAPAK. I miss them so much. Now, i only have my uncle. What about my brothers??? Don't want to say a word. If only my parents are still here, life wont be as sucks. MAK, PAK, and SU, Salam Ramadhan. Mintak ampun mun ada nyakit hati. SU, mintak maaf sbb sik balit raya tahun tok. Malas nak bertemu dgn sidak nok nyakit hati aku. Harp ktk faham.

Nothing's gonna change my LOVE for YOU (MAK, APAK, n USU)

If I had to live my life without you near me
the days would all be empty
the nights would seem so long
with you I see forever oh so clearly
I tried to be in love before
but it never felt this strong

our dreams are young and we both know
they'll take us where we want to go
hold me now
touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
you ought to know by now how much I love you
one thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
nothing's gonna change my love for you
you ought to know by know how much I love you
the world may change my whole life too
but nothing's gonna change my love for you

If the road ahead is not so easy
our love will lead the way for us
like the guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
you don't need to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
so come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
hold me now touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
you ought to know by now how much I love you
one thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
nothing's gonna change my love for you
you ought to know by know how much I love you
the world may change my whole life too
but nothing's gonna change my love for you

Sarajevo..first ever oversea trip

I was luckily chosen to represent UKM, or Malaysia to be specific in the Bascarsija Nights Festival held in Sarajevo, Bosnia Herzegovina. It was a wonderful experience that i wont forget for the rest of my life. Being in Sarajevo, the capital city of Bosnia, made me literally cry. There are a lot of building which is still damaged due to the war which started in 1992 until 1995. Marks from the shooting are still apparent and it reflects just how terrifying the war was. No no no... i wont be lecturing on the war. Instead, I want to share with all the joy I had in Sarajevo. Well, if you don't include the issue on finance, I think everything would be perfect. The place, a 4-season-country that i've always wanted to go to and the view, very beautiful landscape and buildings. However, when you take into consideration the issue of finance, life would be miserable. Their 1 KM is equal to RM2.50 in which one of the things that cost 1KM was a scope of ice cream. So a scope of an ice-cream is therefore cost RM2.50. What do you think??? Crazy, isn't it. But then again, I wasn't going to shop. I had a mission. AADYAMAATRA has been chosen to represent MALAYSIA to perform cultural dance for the Bascarsija Nights there. We were very honored to be selected among many other excellent dance group in Malaysia. It was a big responsibility and we were frightened that we would not perform as what is expected by the organizer as well as the Malaysian Embassy. We were so glad when the organizer and the Malaysian Embassy praised us for the job well done. I was on cloud 9 upon hearing that from the Malaysian Ambassador himself. The sweetest memories would be the gathering we had with The Ambassador and wife, 2nd person of the Embassy, wife and 2 lovely daughters, 3rd person of the embassy and wife and the members of the embassy. We had so much fun.

it ends here

It has been almost 2 months for Ashairi, Kak Nadia, Puspa, Maryani, Aisyah and I being a part of Jalil. I personally has so many sweet memories in SMK Abdul Jalil, and i'm very sure the rest feel the same way too. Having assigned to do my practical in SMK Abdul Jalil, the first thought that came to my mind was the attitude of the students. First few days, nobody greeted us. The students seemed so rude. Later, upon knowing the 6 of us, they started to greet us.

Few weeks later, Astro showed a programme where Ashairi and I was in the programme. The teachers as well as the students saw it and when we were back in Abdul Jalil, all the teachers asked whether or not the 2 guests in the show were us. They were shocked to see me with a very long hair. I was scared if the management would take some disiplinary action. But they didn't.

And the students...they were so excited when they know that it was us in the show. Everywhere Ash and I go to, the students would shout "Jangan Lupa Lirik...Yea yea..." of they would sing songs from the programme. Instead of feeling angry with their attitude, i use it as an X factor to get their attention. Now, everytime i enter a class for relief, they would ask me to sing, or play a game mimicking the gameshow.

Today, while typing this entry, I'm felingvery sad. So many things happened in such a short time. I've always wanted to be a teacher even after knowing the ugly truth of the responsibility that i have to bare with. It doesn't matter. As long as you love something, no matter how irrelavent, or uninteresting it may be, you will find joy in it.

To SMK Abdul Jalil's management. Thanks for giving my friends and I a glimpse of what it is like to be a teacher.

To all the teachers, thanks for all the lovely advice and delicious food. Thanks for being so supporting whenever we needed help.

To all the students, you are all very talented and you have different ability. Find the potential and do the best out of it.

To the English panels, thanks for all the support and advice. I wish you alll the very best to make the standard of English in SMK Abdul Jalil better.

To 1Ikhlas, I'm very sorry for being very strict with all of you. I believe that you're capable of learning English. You just need to work harder. I pray to God that you would all be successful. It was fun teaching all of you.

To 2Ceria, it is a plasure to teach you. You are all vary in your talent as well as your potential. Be 1... Your class is missing something which is called respect. RESPECT yourself and your friends. That is the only thing that is stopping you from having good co-operation among your class member. Is was fun teaching you guys. I'm very sorry if ever i hurt you all. I wish you all the best for exams to come and for your future.

I'm not leaving, I'm just away...Thanks ('',)

making a STATEMENT

to all dear readers, do not be dishearted with my previous entry. I'm sorry to have complaining so much about SMK Abdul Jalil but facts remain as facts. After almost 2 months, i learn a lot from the school. i'm enjoying myself now. actually, the entry was written when i was not in a good mood. but now, i'm actually learning a lot of precious things from the school. I'm going to have a difficult time leaving this school.

to all the teachers of SMK Abdul Jalil, i'm very sorry if ever i did anything wrong. i hope my visit to the school brings sweet memories rather than a bad ones.

to the English panels, thanks for the support and love. I learnt a lot from all of you.

to all the students, I wish you all luck for you life. To 2Ceria and 1Ikhlas, I'm going to miss all of you. do keep in touch yea. keep on learning English. You may not see the rationale now but someday you will know why i force all of you to use English.

To SMK ABDUL JALIL...thanks for the memories.

SMK Abdul Jalil

some may know while others may not even have a single idea what i mean by SMK Abdul Jalil. Well, like my classmates, i'm doing my practicum/practical. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that the whole class is doing their practical in SMK Abdul Jalil, only Ashairi and I are doing our practical there. Having their practical together with Ashairi and I are 2 TESL PKPG Nadia and Puspa and 2 pengajian Al-Quran students; Aisyah and Mariani, if I'm not mistaken, hehehe.

Basically, there's nothing much to share abotu the school except for the fact that they have class from the alphabet A until P... and each of the class have approximately 38 students. Can you imagine, a class with 38 people...CROWDED!!!

From the first day i entered the school, the teachers reminded me that the school's English achievement is very low and the reminder echo still. Does it make me freak out??? of course it does!!! I'm afterall going for a practicum as an English teacher, not a BM one...

The thing that i hate the most is that the Penyelia Petang gave Ash, the two TESL PKPG and me 2 classes each and both of the class are of equally weak academic backgroud, what more their English... Even the English teachers are very surprised when they know that we given weak classes when we're suppose to be given at least 1 godd class. I wanted to complain but after giving it a thought, i decided to stick with whichever class given to me. I'm officially taking 1Ikhlas and 2Jujur.So, it's A B C D E F G H 1I 2J K L M N O P...

I have not teach any of the class but i've been entering the class, observing the English teacher teach. I'm in seriuos trouble!!! Imagine this, 75% of the lesson is conducted in bahasa because students hardly understand any English. Making things worse, the students do not utter a single English word. They answer questions fully in Bahasa... There you go, try putting yourself in my shoes now. How can you teach English eithregards to that condition. What would happen if the students speak bahasa when my lecturer comes to observe me later?

Selamat Hari Ibu

Ya Allah, please tell her that I miss her so much. Tell her that I think of her at every single breath that i take. Tell her I remember her forever. Mak, Selamat Hari Ibu... i have never had the opportunity to wish you before. And i would never be able to wish you anymore. My eyes wont let me cry anymore. I miss you so much. I love you so much. Mak, Slamat Hari Ibu. Semoga Mak sentiasa dilindungi Allah S.W.T. Ya Allah, sampaikan salam rindu insan bernama anak ini. Rindu hamba buat Bonda yg dirindu. Sampaikan salam kasih yg aku dambarkan bagaikan selamanya. MAK, kamek RINDU alu ngan KITAK... datang la, lam mimpi pun sikpa...

Have you ever...

Have you ever try to put yourself into my shoes. Trying my very best to please the whole world; putting my own importance aside, considering their feelings before myself. I am very tired. Tired of making people smile, laugh... when they do not even know that I'm hurting myself, struggling to suppress the burden I feel inside. Shit...i'm nagging...LOL

Ya Allah, another 'dugaan' for me... i deleted the 360 word essay i typed just now... argh.... bencik li jak... tp sikpa la... DUGAAN... let uus look at the bright side. Maybe He just want me to spend some more time typing this entry and further looking into things and trying to look into the bright side of life. Unfortunately, though ii try hard to seek for the so call silver lining, my mentality does not allow me to do too much of thinking over the conflicts i'm having.

Why???(why is the because...hahaha... sajer jer merapu...) Why can't I see it like other people do??? give me comments... see if you can help me with what i'm having now...