Monday, November 17, 2008

i hate it when you dont even try...i'm tired

There have been a lot of things going on this few weeks and one which has the biggest impact in my life right now is the crisis that i'm in with my friend. Let us be a little secretive by not naming the person but i hope this wont bring any "side effects" to those who might think they are actually the ones who i'm having this little crisis with. Anyway, my close friends would have known this so there wont be any misunderstanding regarding the person that i am describing. Life have been so wonderful so far with the existence of my dearly friends. They have been very understanding and supportive so far. I personally pray that there wont be any big issues that would break the friendships apart like what is happening to one of my friends. Being unable to accept who i am, this person has slowly withdrawn him/herself from my life. I'm very sure that this person does not read my blog, though i wish that he/she is. Anyway, for almost 5 years knowing this person, i have grown learning the fact that it has been a very common issue having a little fight with this person but i have not figure out how to solve it. Things between the two of us have not been better. Supposedly, after one fight to another, we grow more mature and we learn to strengthen the relationship but for the two of us, it happens the other way around. Its is either i'm to be blamed or it's his/her fault, or maybe we just dont have the chemistry to even be friends. The thing is, it seems like only this particular person is always having this problem with me. Maybe it happens because of expectation; of what i expect from the relationship and not having that fulfilled. It is just so frustrating when everytime this person and I fight, I would be the first one to approach and it has come to the extent in which this person has forgotten that he/she should take that role too sometimes. Anyway, life is too short and time is too precious to be bothered about this small issue. But it hurts though. And even when i'm trying not to think of this, say, the emancipation of this unwanted feelings, i still feel very upset that this is happening to me. I just wish that God would make me busier so that I dont even any wasted second thinking of the crisis. To that person, if you're reading this, i want you to know that i'm trying to be fine. Thanks for making my life so miserable.