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Monday, March 17, 2008

>>>its just me<<<


My weekend was a disaster. I was very busy with mdm tan’s assignment and along with that, i am busy with my life, as usual la... last Saturday i had a class, i mean, tesl 3 and 4 had class. We had hubungan etnik ( i owez call it etnik creative). Seriously, i’m falling for someone. i’m so happy whenever i’m with this person. The thing is, (dwi slalu padah... “ktk suka pakei tok ho...”, nasib la...) this person do not treat me as if i have a chance. Its more like i don’t have any. Well, that person’s life is too good even without me. I don’t deserve to be in this person’s love diary. Like i said in my post earlier, i am not a man in a silver armor...feels more like a naked slave (i’m suppose to emphasis the uselessness of this slave but it seems like a slave looks better than a knight without clothes on, hehehe...)

I’m afraid that my friendship would be ruined if i confess. I’m in a dilemma. I don’t know what should i do. At the time i write this journal, i’m chatting with safa too. She asks, what’s wrong with me. She said it seems like i’m not i a good mood. I wonder how she knows...but hell yeah, i’m not in my best mood, not because people are not listening but rather because i miss my parents. I miss them so greatly that i cant stand not crying while typing this blog; witnessed by my rumet.

I keep saying to myself that i need to be strong but my strength was my parents. At least i had my father with me after my mom ‘left’ when i was in form 4. He was my heart and my wealth, my wisdom and my eyes. When he ‘left’ pursuing his quest searching for my mom’s love, i felt as if my life is ended. Jsut tell me how can i carry on with my life when my strength is gone. How can i run, walk or even crawl when i’m “strenghless”. If its not for my mom and my father, i wont be here, trying my very best to be the best in the family. Now, i don’t have any dream. My life is means to just merely surviving another day. Sorry if u guys find my blog this time rather reflects how useless and pessimistic i am but this is me, the real me. I’m a man who cries, what’s wrong with that!!!

'Hampir ke situ', a song by Mendua, is a song which tells a story from my parents view; at least that is what i think they would think about me, giving me strength to keep on fighting back then. Now, things have changed. Life is no longer as beautiful as when i was with them. I can still remember so many things that i did with my parents. I even thought to send my parents to Haj though it may mean to starve: keeping the money for that purpose. For now, i shall only *sigh*...



8 comments:

L.A.L.A said...

jatoh chenta duhall.. hehe.. btw, i know you're sad. and ktk akan pdh, "you'll never know". apa2 la. still, i'm always right behind you.

haiRonny said...

be strong...i'm not going to say i understand how u feel coz honestly. i dont..but,be strong..even though they are gone,it doesnt mean they are not here..make that emptiness as your strength to go and move forward...laki kmk pernah pdh ngan kmk (Ronny pdh), "Everytime i fall, i will get up and keep on running again,this time,with a FASTER speed!..so when u fall,get up and be better at what u do...*wink*

ash_mirza said...

sap, u know what i will owez say rite...but whatever it is, u hv to keep the spirit of them in u...nvr give up easily...though they r gone, they r still in ur heart..trust me!!!

ur classmate said...

sap dilamun cinta?? :D

if u're still afraid that confessing might ruin the relationship, then don't rush into it..

she is still urs even if she's only a friend..

ur parents may not be there for u physically but u know and u can feel that they are there with u.. u are strong my dear.. i know u are :)

Lyana_2202 said...

Sapri......first and foremost, siapa cinta ktk ya? hahaa...sikdalah. Falling in love is a great feeling but the confession is the one that really kills us...good luck by the way! confess when you're ready!

Pasal parents tak...kmk susah nak mdh sbb kmk sik brada lam kasut ktk (direct translation ok??)...but one thing for sure is, ingat jak ceramah aritok tek....apa yang Rasulullah lalui....life goes on and sentiasa ingat walaupun daknya sikda sbelah ktk, they will forever remain in your heart.....keep their dreams alive k?? daknya mok nangga anak bongsu daknya berjaya!!! and sbg kwn ktk, kmk akan sokong kitak sampe kita sama2 berjaya lak. Amboiii...menumpang indah...hehe

Be strong sapri! sik salah mun mok nangis.. tears can sometimes comfort us when no one else could.

BuMbLe BooGiE said...

thanks frens for ur wonderful advice. really proud to have frens like u guys despite the fact that we sometimes fight. the most important is that we'll remember the sweet moments we went together as frens...

BuMbLe BooGiE said...

thanks frens for ur wonderful advice. really proud to have frens like u guys despite the fact that we sometimes fight. the most important is that we'll remember the sweet moments we went together as frens...

HAKIM said...

sap2...ko tau kan...hidup ini ada ups and downs...setiap manusia diuji dgn cara yg berbeza...kerana apa???kerana ALLAH sayangkan kita..and nak ajar kita untuk jadi lebih strong kan???ingatlah walaupun kisah cerita kita berbeza...tp tema ttp sama...harapan...kedukaan...ketabahan..
dan kebahagiaan yang diimpikan....